Fateful, Fateless
by hurricaneblast
Summary: As a child, Mikan had been diagnosed with Death's Kiss that sealed her to a fate she could never escape. She never expected to fall in love... For death was inevitable; the only question was when.
1. Plans and Curiosities

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gakuen Alice.

* * *

PLANS AND CURIOSITIES

Death had always been a part of her life.

It had accompanied her ever since she was a young girl, diagnosed with the illness that might as well have been an arranged death-sentence with no date, no warnings, no time frame.

Just the knowledge that each day that the air had filled your lungs was indeed a very fortunate thing. As for Mikan Sakura, it was a fragile existence.

Death's Kiss was no ordinary illness. It would perhaps be fair to say that it was a very serious case of magic the body could no longer contain, possibly hereditary. It had brought damaging effects to the body, and it always, always resulted with death. No one had ever had the hope of surviving.

She had always thought she had been the luckiest girl alive. She had, after all, been the person who had survive the illness the longest. For ten years, she had lived. Yet recently, she could feel Death drawing nearer and knew it was something she could no longer escape. It was a terrifying thought- thinking that it could envelope her until the world drifted away into the blackness that had threatened to conquer her in her dreams.

"I propose a vacation," Hotaru had said. Hotaru always knew the right things to say. She had always been a close part of her life, like another half. It had been a funny thing that they had never shared anything alike, yet had remained so close even after years. The thoughts, Mikan just realized, brought teardrops rolling down her cheeks.

"Not again," she muttered as Mikan pulled her into her arms, gently patting her hair. She had made no effort to conceal an annoyed sigh, which Mikan could not blame her for. She had been breaking down almost constantly as of recent.

As Hotaru comforted her, she could not help but feel a slight tightness in her chest. When Mikan cried, Hotaru thought, she never held anything back, giving everything her best shot. Never had there been a day that came to waste. The moment she had learnt of her illness, she had always asked Hotaru to go out, and later during the day, make her the best inventions. Hotaru didn't know quite what to make of it. She had no idea how she would get rid of those inventions later on… Which, she decided, she would not think about.

"A vacation, Hotaru? Where?" Mikan asked between hiccups.

"To Paris?" she murmured. "I'll be paying for the costs, of course," Hotaru said when Mikan shot her a look of protest.

"I don't know… I'd like to die here," Mikan said, gesturing towards the place weakly. Hotaru knew only too well of her attachment.

The statement brought a spark of anger in her. To hear her best friend speak of death so casually was not something she'd like to hear. Not something she could bear to hear.

"All this thought of death isn't good for you. I already informed your mom."

Her eyes widened briefly. "What good is ignoring it if I know it's coming?" she murmured, her gaze wandering far away.

"It's been ten years, Mikan. It might not even be coming."

"But it is. I feel it. Death is stronger. It's inside me. I can feel it, Hotaru. It's been absent, but It's there. I've been preparing a lot for the day it comes. Each day it feels like I'm closer to it."

"Don't speak like that."

Mikan only continued to gaze away quietly.

,.,

,.,

,.,

Mikan stared at herself in the mirror, barely able to recognize herself. A nice simple white dress that emphasized her curves and hung above her knees, and her face with only a hint of blush, and the lightest smudge of eye shadow. She had already looked like a completely different person and she was so accustomed to the very height of simplicity that any unfamiliarity became a cause of unsettlement.

"This is completely unnecessary. I don't need to look pretty."

"Nonsense," Sumire let out a snort. "Everyone needs to look pretty. I've seen your closet and your clothing choice is just terrible. Besides, what happens if you find your Prince Charming?"

"Prince Charming does not exist." She had long ceased to believe the existence of a person who was made for her. A woman did not need a man to be happy. True happiness, after all, came from one's self. Destiny was a pretty way of describing one's love life. As it was, she did not have any, nor was she about to make complaints any time soon.

"I'll remember what you said, Mikan. One day you'll be eating your words."

"Not likely."

"Maybe after the trip?" Sumire continued with a grin, as if Mikan had not spoken.

"Drop it."

"Nope," she continued to tease. Then her smile faded. "Damn, I'm going to miss this." She looked at Mikan with pity, it made her want to look away. No. No pity. Please.

She did not know if she could stand any more of the pity. For once, she wanted to be treated like a normal person. She had been one once, and she missed the freedom of it, the normalcy. Now she had neither of those, added with a load of sympathy from others she did not know where to place.

"Hotaru will be coming soon," Sumire said as she checked the screen of her phone. Mikan returned to her bedroom and changed. She would not wear these clothes and make-up. Sumire would have to deal.

,.,

,.,

Smooth and efficient. That was what traveling with a wealthy best friend did, and although the expenses had frequently added to her guilt, it had been the constant reminder that death was on its way. For it seemed like the more things Hotaru offered, the closer Mikan was to losing everything.

The car came to a halt. Stepping out of the car and looking up, Mikan only stared.

This was where Hotaru went to on vacation, Mikan thought. As she entered the building, she couldn't grasp the need for such huge, luxurious space when Hotaru hardly came to visit and she had no other siblings.

"Wait here for a bit, I have to talk to my dad."

Mikan nodded once and sat on the nearest couch and scanned the room. If the exterior looked impressive, then the interior was even more so. From the curtains, to the tiled floor to the sparkling chandelier- everything spoke wealth and money.

"Why are you sitting down?"

"Excuse me?" Mikan turned around, and faced a crimson-eyed man, bemused. He looked about her age, standing with an air of self-importance. Mikan was quite sure at that very moment he was the type that women would swoon at on mere sight.

"The curtains," he spoke, voice now filled with a hint of irritation.

"I don't understand."

"Don't you?" he asked with annoyance. "It's fairly simple. You're a maid, the curtains are never this wide open."

Mikan had never felt more insulted. She gave her head a slight turn, but saw that there were no signs of Hotaru. Then she looked back at him. "I'm not a maid," she snapped. She did not care how many girls dropped down to his feet. Or how he could make her heart stutter in a glance. She would not be insulted by him.

He looked surprised.

"Of course you are. Your clothes..." He quickly glanced at her attire, then to her face. Understanding dawned upon him. "I've never seen you here before. You're...?"

"An apology would've been nice," Mikan muttered.

He looked taken aback for a fraction of a second before he responded with a calm voice. "So would an introduction."

"Agreed. You go first."

"You have some nerve, maid?" he said, walking towards her. Already his mask of restrained temper started to show cracks. There was something about the woman that intrigued him.

"I told you. I'm not a maid!" Mikan exclaimed. She had never had such an argument with a complete stranger, but he had insulted her.

"Hyuuga," the familiar voice of her best friend spoke. Mikan breathed a sigh of relief.

"Imai," he said with a nod. "I find your newest one rather disobedient."

He- the nerve! Mikan was instantly filled with rage. It surprised her. She had not felt that way for a long time.

"Hyuuga, another word about my best friend and she'd gladly kill you." Hotaru could already see the way Natsume Hyuuga had gotten under the skin of her best friend. The last thing she wanted was Mikan scowling when they returned from their trip.

"Best friend? I was not even aware you had any guests." The fact startled him. The woman standing in front of him was right- she was not a maid. Not only was she a guest, she was best friends with the ice queen. He had to look out for any tricks the girl might have. He suppressed the urge to retreat a foot. Anyone friends with the ice queen was a force to be reckoned with.

"This special trip was for her. Possibly her last. So I'd appreciate it if you'd find your way out."

He hesitated before uttering a reply.

"Of course." He gave Mikan one last glance before he walked out. In that one brief moment, their stares connected. Mikan's breath caught, and in her surprise, he grinned.

The bastard enjoyed toying with her.

,.,

,.,

"Tell me about your encounter," Sumire's excited voice came from the speaker. She slowly opened her eyes and stared at the clock right in front of her.

It was one o'clock in the morning, hardly a time for conversation. Mikan yawned and lazily rubbed her eyes.

"Nothing to talk about," came Mikan's sleepy voice.

"Oh no you don't. Tell me."

Mikan groaned. She wanted to sleep, but the sleepiness had been steadily fading.

"Fine. He's arrogant, insulting and rude. He called me a maid and I told him I wasn't. And he… He Still. Kept. Calling me one! And he's-"

"Amazingly sexy?"

Mikan bit her lip.

"Well, there's that."

Sumire snorted. "You forgot to bring the dress I told you about."

"I believe that was a conscious decision."

"But why? The dress-"

"It's just not me, Permy."

"Tell that to your terrible fashion sense. It begs to be improved. But tell me more. What was the first thing he said? Last thing?"

"Why are you sitting down. Of course," Mikan answered from memory.

"But I'm not."

"Not _you_. Those were his first and last words."

She could already sense the disappointment washing over Sumire as she asked for more details including what he wore, what his eye colour was and other details that seemed unimportant to Mikan. She didn't quite understand the obsession about the man, but apparently, he was very famous. By the time the call had ended, Mikan_ felt_.

Her heart was beating rapidly, her senses so sharp and her mind active.

She felt different, more excited. More alive.

Something about him had struck some part in her that had not been touched for some time. Being closer to Death, she always felt encased in a gold-like protective covering. She had always been protected and sheltered and countless of times even her greatest enemies had been moved with pity. To have someone speak to her as an equal, as a person, it had filled her with inexplicable satisfaction.

And it was such an amazing feeling, such a wonderful feeling that she did not want to let go.

The sensation had frightened her. Had lodged a deeper fear into her. For deep inside, she knew she could not attach herself further to anyone else. Losing anyone else would be double the pain, that at any cost, she had to protect her heart.

,.,

,.,

Hotaru slowly opened the front door. Somehow, the sight of Natsume Hyuuga at her doorstep did not surprise her. After yesterday's encounter, she suspected he gained interest at Mikan, who of course, didn't know who she was speaking to. Hyuuga was a family friend who also owned a large company like her family's, and she didn't know of any case of a girl making a heated argument with him. Mikan had done so admirably. But she would be damned if she'd let Hyuuga get near her best friend without so much as a challenge. She knew standing in front of her door was painful enough for someone like him. The thought alone made her smile.

"Why Hyuuga, what brings you to my humble abode?" Hotaru sarcastically asked with a smirk.

"Not sure about 'humble' when you flaunt your crystal collection in the living room. I wish to speak to her."

"Her? Who, Hyuuga? I don't recall talking to you about a woman."

"You know who," he growled in irritation.

"Actually, I don't."

"The mai- er-_ best friend _of yours."

"Ever heard of sleep, Hyuuga? Some people need it."

"I just need a name." The words were bitter on his tongue. He was_ the _Natsume Hyuuga. He did not ask around for girls' names or visit their friend's houses inquiring about them. Girls asked about him, obsessed over him, not the other way round.

"Mikan Sakura," she said. She shut the door in front of him while he stood there, fists clenched.

* * *

A/N:

This was one of those chapters that I had always been meaning to post, but never got around to working much on it. I have another one I'd love to write but is sitting on my file folder- has been sitting there for over _a year_. I don't think I plan to write that anymore, but I couldn't quite make myself delete it. =/

Anyway, I had written this chapter two months ago, but never got around to writing any more chapters until recently and decided I'd like to continue writing this fic. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much I enjoyed writing. If you've found it worthwhile, please review. :)

-_hurricaneblast_


	2. Trips and Unpleasant Beginnings

TRIPS AND UNPLEASANT BEGINNINGS**  
**

He had other problems.

Mikan Sakura should have been the least of his concerns. Except that everything about the fragile woman that faced him intrigued him. He'd thought that she was a maid at first, since her clothes were so ordinary and were of the same blue shade as the uniform of the maids Hotaru had employed.

He had thought it to be one of his usual visits to the Ice Queen's house, and seeing the curtains pushed open so widely was such a rare thing that it had made him come to the conclusion that she was new.

Apparently not.

She had not only spoken to him with an air of defiance- she had yelled to his face. And now, he wanted to see her again- which was rare, for any other woman. He made arrangements to go with Ruka the night before.

"Where exactly are we going, Natsume?" came the voice of his best friend as Natsume slid to the driver's seat.

"The ice queen." He narrowed his eyes when he heard a groan next to him. "Don't look at me like that."

"I can't just go around and meet your friends."

"I thought you liked her."

"The last time I visited, I left my wallet on the table. The week later she hosted a competition on her blog with a picture of what looked like a black rectangle leather with a letter 'R' printed on it. She gave me my cash and my cards but I never got my wallet back."

"You decided to become big time Ruka Nogi, multi-awarded Actor and my friend."

"Your point, Natsume?"

"I've got problems. You're a loyal friend. Do the math."

"I don't want to get blackmailed," he said in a small voice. Natsume looked at his friend's expression.

Blackmail? Natsume sensed there was something more to the fear of his best friend. Perhaps…

"What else did you have on that wallet?" He had a feeling he knew where this was going.

Ruka shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "A picture."

Ah, so he'd been right. The ice queen was probably blackmailing him with the picture. Natsume was instantly filled with a surge of pity. The image of the ice queen flashed on his mind. The woman was indeed cunning.

Ruka mumbled something in his seat that sounded like, "If I wasn't your friend…"

With a sharp turn on the corner of the road, he planned.

,.,

"You're insane. You've hit your head on the wall and now you've decided the best way to cheer me up is to arrange a meeting with that- that guy," Mikan exclaimed when Hotaru sat down to the chair next to her. Mikan was drying her hair now and set the hairdryer aside.

"Your answer?" Hotaru asked, ignoring Mikan's shock, which had lasted for a full ten minutes where Mikan repeatedly paced back and forth before she finally decided to dry her hair.

"Is perfectly obvious. No, Hotaru. You will not bring me to that place and make me talk to him. I don't even_ like_ that guy.

"You'd be very surprised."

"Of what we have in common? Unlikely. I already know what to expect."

"You're afraid," Hotaru spoke after awhile upon observing Mikan's expression. It had not been what she had expected. This was not the optimism of her friend or the curious and gentle, even the cautious manner in which she usually responded.

Mikan sat down at the nearest couch. "I can't see him." The words came out almost in a whisper.

She had tossed and turned and thought about it already. She feared greatly of what she would lose. She would inflict the suffering to other people. Everyone she knew would suffer. For death was inevitable; it was an event she felt would soon be coming.

"Why are you afraid, Mikan?"

If only she knew. Something was coming and if she were to gladly welcome it, accept it, anything that was left of her would eventually fade. She could think of nothing to say, nothing from her incoherent train of thought. She found herself unable to speak and looked away and laid her eyes on the pearly glow of the white tiles, for it seemed like the only thing she could do.

,.,

Mikan wandered around the huge space of the greenest garden she had ever seen, nature stretching further than her eyes could follow. It was an amazing sight, even now, she thought she could never get used to seeing the luxury of space. There were masses of bushes and green everywhere, and stone steps leading towards a maze-like path that seemed especially made to confuse a visitor to provide a walk so time consuming and alarmingly complex it would be a wonder to find the right path of return.

The clouds were heavy, but Mikan remained resolved to go on and started the walk. She made note of every twist of every branch and every pebble on the ground, but didn't bother on placing a marker for it was a thing that would perhaps lessen the fun and excitement of figuring out the right path.

The maze went on and extended right up to short steps leading up to an open space with the most immaculate fountain, the water pouring out of a white pot held by an angel.

For the briefest moment, she wondered what death was like. Would it be heaven? Or hell? Or would it be an endless sea of blackness and grief? Mikan found herself somewhat drawn to the fountain.

"It seems you have resolved yourself to wear only blue," a voice spoke. Mikan was too focused on the fountain that she failed to see a figure leaning on the back of a park bench.

Mikan froze mid-step and retreated her foot. "You again?"

The smirk grew even wider. "You aren't pleased to see me?"

"Actually, I'm surprised you'd even ask."

"Ah. I knew it."

"That wasn't meant to be a compliment. Please go."

"What, you're not even going to ask why I came?" He seemed to want to voice his reasons very much, something Mikan had noticed. She, however, had no intention whatsoever of learning them.

"I have no interest in your own personal affairs. Please, any compulsion or petty reason your head has come up with to come here, discuss them with Hotaru, who I am sure is the reason you came here for."

"I didn't come here to speak to your friend."

"Then you have no reason to be here," she boldly replied.

He raised his brow. "Let me be the judge of that."

"No. Go. Please."

Instead, he propped an elbow to his lap and stared with a bored expression.

"I haven't been here for longer than an half and hour. I dragged a busy friend all the way here and I'm not about to leave."

Of course he wasn't. He didn't exactly make her life any easier. When she didn't say anything, he continued, "I came here to talk to you."

"About?" She hardly knew him. There was really virtually nothing to discuss. None that she could think of, at least.

"I came to make you an offer."

"Denied."

"It's within the realm of possible. Hear me out at least."

Mikan raised her eyebrow in question.

"I'm in need of an… assistant."

Mikan couldn't help the bubble of laughter that burst out from her lips. "I can't believe you came here with the intention of making your earlier assumption true. That aside, I'm here for vacation, so I can't stay long."

As for Natsume who did not think such denial was possible, he could think of nothing more to say, but that, "I pay well."

"No thank you."

"There are perks."

"No."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because, Hyuuga, if it has escaped your notice, I won't work for someone I don't remotely get along well with. You are not my friend, you may even be less than an acquaintance."

"The only person preventing such association is you."

"You're forgetting I'm only here for vacation," Mikan said, struggling to find more reasons for rejection. She could not understand his persistence.

"I am not talking about work in Paris. I mean work in Japan."

Right, Mikan thought. She wouldn't count own it. She had been suspicious right from the beginning. "Let's say that this offer is not for your own amusement. Why me?"

"I find you… capable and competent."

"As_ your assistant?_" Mikan exclaimed indignantly, "I think not."

"I didn't mean that as an offense," he said through clenched teeth.

"As a compliment, then?"

She was making this harder for him. She was willful, stubborn and had a temper behind a seemingly gentle nature. He always knew there was something about her that made her the Ice Queen's friend.

"I'm sorry, but maybe someone else would be better suited for the position,"Mikan said after awhile.

"Is that your final answer?"

"Yes. Yes, it is."

He sat up straight and stood up.

"Are you walking back now? I have to go back to my friend so we can leave."

Mikan nodded and they spent the whole walk in utter silence.

* * *

Once Natsume entered the living room followed by Mikan, he stopped, looking back at the magazine that Mikan had forgotten to close the day before. "Article about Death's Kiss?"

"Yeah," Mikan replied, surprised by the sudden topic- Her illness and her suffering for a decade. She found it completely unappealing.

"Apparently, my uncle passed away from it," he said with a shrug. He had never met his uncle.

"No one can escape it," Mikan said, suddenly feeling as if there was not enough air to breathe. Death came and haunted her now, perhaps more closely than it had ever done.

"It's deadly, for the magically potent. They said he lived for three months after diagnosis just after puberty, which is when magic begins to fully develop. I wonder why for a decades now, there still hasn't been a cure," he mused.

"I don't think there will ever be one," Mikan said, and as if it surprised him, he looked directly at her. "Natsume, can I ask you ask you a question?"

He shrugged, shifting his gaze away.

"What's your Alice?"

He was taken aback by the sudden question. He closed his eyes, trying to suppress the memories that flooded back from her reminder. He had long tried to forget and ignore the existence of his Fire Alice. Thankfully, she went on, her question not needing a reply.

"Mine's Nullification. I miss it."

Those with Death's Kiss couldn't freely use their Alice. It was one effect of it. On rare times, she was able to use it, but the times she was able to use it were sporadic.

"I think we've done enough talk of Death's Kiss," Natsume said in an attempt to end the topic. "Where the hell is Ruka?" he said, his voice somehow sounding slurred.

It was his voice and his words, but she found herself falling, as if she wasn't there anymore. She could no longer feel the seat, no longer feel the cushion. She was drifting away and she feared she would no longer resurface. There were spots, grey ones blocking her vision, and then there was blackness.


	3. Risks and Decisions

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gakuen Alice, or the quote from the book Mikan reads later. I thought I should also say that there is Shadow Kiss spoiler [3rd book of Vampire Academy series, by Richelle Mead] later on, to those who haven't read the book yet.

* * *

RISKS AND DECISIONS

He had just been talking to her minutes ago. He didn't know when the conversation suddenly took a grave turn by the topic of Death's Kiss.

"It's deadly, for the magically potent. They said he lived for three months after diagnosis just after puberty, which is when magic begins to fully develop. I wonder why for a decades now, there still hasn't been a cure," he said, thinking. His uncle had not been the only victim in his family, he was sure. It was never directly mentioned, but he knew there had been been another death. There always was.

She surprised him by saying, "I don't think there will ever be one."

It was such a pessimistic view that he couldn't help but look at her.

"Natsume, can I ask you ask you a question?" she asked, a swift change of topic.

"What's your Alice? Mine's Nullification... I miss it."

"I think we've done enough talk of Death's Kiss," he said, making it clear he wanted to end the topic. "Where the hell is Ruka?"

She didn't need a reply. He didn't want to. It was when he realised that she had just called him by his first name and for the first time, had a proper conversation. It was progress. That was, before she had actually collapsed in his arms. Then he was rendered utterly speechless.

,.,

The fainting had been met by much panic around the whole house.

Both Ruka and the Hotaru arrived the moment Mikan had collapsed, almost after Natsume commented on Ruka's absence.

The Ice Queen looked as thought she would've skinned him to death with the glaring even worse than his own. Ruka was equally shocked at Natsume as he helped pull Mikan into a comfortable position.

Ruka instantly blurted out, "Natsume, what did you do?"at the same time Hotaru said, "You have fifteen seconds to explain."

* * *

Death was dark. It was also cold. And it was so uncomfortable. Perhaps it took some getting used to.

_I'm already dead_, Mikan thought. The blackness was gone and she could breathe. Except- you didn't need to breathe when you're dead, or so she thought. Slowly, she opened her eyes. At first she blinked, and then she began to rub her eyes lazily.

"I'm in heaven, right? _Ruka Nogi _is actually looking at _me_. Unless I'm dreaming and he stepped out of my television…"

She was rambling. She knew it very well. But she was already dead. Anything she did didn't matter anymore. This was it. After years and years of preparation and torturous mental conditioning…

Natsume made a deliberate action of clearing his throat. Mikan turned her head, then quickly shut her eyes. "God, why did you transport me to hell?" Natsume rolled his eyes. Hotaru shook her head slowly. Mikan didn't understand what was going on.

"Sure, sure. That's what they all say."

"Your friend is not amusing," he told Hotaru. "One moment she talks, then she faints, and then she decides she's going to be funny."

At that moment, Mikan sat up straight, as if snapping off from a haze. And found herself directly staring at Natsume.

_Wait a minute…_

"I'm not dead," she said after a while as if it was only then that the realisation began to seep in. Everything rushed back in with painful clarity and her cheeks reddened.

She had just lost consciousness in front of him. She wasn't even sure how it all started. She knew it wasn't just the case of fainting- it was brought about by her illness, one step closer to death, making its presence known. One minute, everything was fine, then suddenly she couldn't breathe properly. The next thing she knew was a sea of darkness and she couldn't seem to escape it.

"Thank you for accompanying me for a walk today. I've… refused your offer and therefore we have no reason to meet again."

"She's not serious, is she?" he turned to Hotaru with a frown.

Mikan who found a cushion next to her threw it at him, but he ducked just in time. He chuckled, much to her chagrin.

"See you tomorrow," he said, flashing her another one of those heart-stopping grins. He pulled the hand of another man who had an apologetic smile, which Mikan assumed was the friend he mentioned, before she heard the clicking sound of the door.

Mikan groaned. "Why did you let him come here, Hotaru?"

Hotaru didn't say anything for awhile, as if her thoughts were on something else. She was playing with the ends of her skirt before she looked up.

"You need his help," Hotaru finally said.

"Uh, no. I don't really see how." Mikan sat up and smoothened the non-existent creases of her skirt. Death had almost claimed her, and she somehow knew that she had been a hair away from her fate.

"You didn't watch the news?" she said with a frown. When Mikan shook her head, she went on.

"His family is developing a cure for Death's Kiss. Has been, actually, for years. Recently they've found out a chemical that blocks off the magic for a period of time allowing the body to temporarily recover. Those who have been on the stage of-"

"No, Hotaru," Mikan said softly. They sat there for sometime in silence before Hotaru looked away, pained.

"Mikan…"

"I'm not giving up my Alice, you know that," Mikan began to explain, "If I wanted that, I would've asked for my Alice to be stolen before during that time."

"I'm trying to help you…"

"Hotaru… Please understand." Mikan could tell Hotaru was torn by wanting to help her and yet being powerless, but Mikan couldn't let go of the magic inside her. It was part of her, and although it was a part that was crippled, the knowledge of having it comforted her. It was hers; it completed her.

"If you're sure you want that," Hotaru replied after a moment's hesitation. Mikan smiled gently and hugged Hotaru. Hotaru understood. She always did.

,.,

It wasn't a quiet drive, like Natsume hoped.

"You drove all the way to the Ice Queen's base just because you wanted to talk to her," Ruka stated, amused. "Last year, you had to make some excuse our about being sick just so you wouldn't be forced to go there. You like her." They had been having this conversation for the past ten minutes and it didn't make things any easier. They were now five minutes from home.

"No, I don't. Just a little interested." Okay, so maybe he felt a little intrigue and perhaps, admiration. No one had ever stood up to him that way. Or attempted to throw a pillow at his face, for that matter. He chuckled at the memory. They turned to the right and the stoplight turned red.

Ruka shook his head in frustration. "Next thing I know, you'll be asking for her phone number and all those details."

"I already have that," he replied with a grin.

"What? Natsume, you can't-"

"No one else but you knows. And my secretary," he said.

"And you deny that you like her." Ruka shook his head yet again in disbelief.

"That record was for purely professional reasons," Natsume explained. Then he had offered her a job and she had flat-out refused his offer.

"Right. Professional," Ruka said, rolling his eyes. "You offering her job as a replacement secretary or something?" It was meant as a joke, but the look in Natsume's face said otherwise. The stoplight turned green. They were close now, literally seconds away.

"As a matter of fact, I did. You can guess what her response was." A frown settled upon his face. He was going to make the offer again later, just in case she didn't properly understand the offer. Give her time to absorb it. Maybe she'd regret…

"She said no?" Ruka said with an amused expression. "I believe that's the first time a girl has ever refused you." He was holding back laughter, but it died when a frown was still in Natsume's face. He definitely wasn't enjoying the rejection, it was almost funny to watch.

Just when Natsume parked the car, his cellphone rang. "Yes?"

"Hyuuga."

"You seem to develop a habit for meeting up with me regularly, Imai. Careful, I'm beginning to think you like me."

Hotaru snorted. "Like is a strong word, Hyuuga. Let's just say I want to suggest a… working relation. For mutual interests."

"Which are?" Now he was intrigued. The ice queen never called and even if she did, he would never have imagined it would be something like this.

"I've notice you have developed a particular interest with my best friend."

"And?"

"Mikan… may not come across to you as the brightest person, but when it comes down to what really matters, she's not stupid either. She can say the smartest things that can surprise you. The idiot is kindhearted even when you don't want her to be. She's selfless even when you're not worth it, and she tries, she tries so hard that even I… admire her."

It surprised him. Hotaru Imai, for those few sentences, didn't sound like the composed, calm person she usually was. This was no ice queen. This was a person who cared deeply about her best friend, and a person, to some extent, reflected his own self.

Every person had a mask. Intentional or unintentional, like a layer of self defense. The mask that hides away all their deepest fears and secrets. The deceptive mask that conceals weakness and even pain.

"Don't revel too much in the moment, Hyuuga. As much as I hate to admit this, Mikan needs you."

"I know this. I know you. What are you planning?" Natsume asked doubtfully. There was always some hidden agenda, some motive…

"I have no idea what you're talking about. Nothing," she replied innocently. He didn't believe a single thing she said. Not one syllable. The woman was a professional liar.

"You mean nothing you'd tell me."

"6:00pm, Saturday. Movie Central, Westgardens. Make her wait and I'll kill you." The line went dead. Natsume heaved a sigh.

"Imai again?" Ruka asked from behind, opening the car door.

"She's about to murder me." The thought was almost cheerful.

"Any preventative measures?"

"One request."

"You don't say."

"A date with her best friend."

"Natsume," Ruka said with a click of his tongue, "I'm telling you, the woman is crazy…"

* * *

_**"**_'I set off, off to kill the man I loved..'"

It was a terrible cliffhanger ending, Mikan's heart clenched.

"That's so… So sad, Hotaru. The book is over. He's turned evil. She's going to kill him." Mikan sniffed and shut the book. She wasn't just tearing up, she was actually crying, really heartfelt tears.

"I told you you'd be crying by the time you'd shut that book," Hotaru said.

It took Mikan a few minutes to calm down . She then looked back down at the cover, the sadness somehow renewed. "They love each other, you know. They understood each other in a deep level, to the point that she'll kill him, because she wouldn't want to see him suffer, turn into evil. I know he'd do the same. And she'd sacrifice so much for her best friend, that there was almost nothing left for herself. When they finally get a chance, or at least, think they do… They take him away from her. She prays to God, Hotaru. Wordless prayers. Ones that are always difficult to say, so you pray that God's a mind reader, so he could make out the words from your very heart."

"There's always a sacrifice and a decision to make. It always hurts."

"Hotaru. I can't go. Besides, we have to pack."

"What are you scared of exactly? There's always a choice. There's always a risk. But if you never take them, one day, you'd regret it."

Mikan only shook her head, tears falling. Mikan knew she'd regret the attachment more. Knowing she would soon leave all the wonderful people she'd met, wouldn't it be cruel to worm her way into their lives? They had a life before they knew her. Surely, they could cope.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" One day, she would remind Mikan…

"Yes. Please, Hotaru."

There was a long moment of silence before Hotaru finally sighed.

"Fine. I'll cancel."

* * *

**So sorry =[ I know I'm bad at updating. Will post the next chapters in... er, I have exams. So. Will post next one in about 2 weeks. =]**

**I'm kinda excited for the next few chapters, with the way this chapter turned out. Not my best chapter, but I tried. ^_^  
**


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